The more I practice the way of the universal order I feel this life is a delicate balance between Yin and Yang forces.
I had an almost perfect New Year, but I started to feel very exhausted with fever and congestion in my chest with pain all of sudden.
At first I did not want to understand why I started to feel bad; I can see it now…I was in denial. I did not want to cut short my good New-Year vibe.
What the universe had to teach me once again was it was time for me to face reality, or the "backlash." I forgot to take my physical condition into consideration, reflect on my past year(s), be humble, follow my heart and acknowledge that my 103-degree fever meant I needed to rest.
In the grander scheme, I needed not fear that the good feeling I had as I kicked off the New Year is ruined or lost.
There are usually three things that cause me discomfort physically.
1.I eat out too many times (it means for me more than one time week or three times a month), even at vegan restaurants, since many of them use sugar or cane juice, agave etc. Also unfortunately many restaurants do not use quality ingredients of oil and sea salt, use sugar or MSG of filter water.
2.I don’t have enough rest and over-exert myself.
3.I get mentally so exhausted from stressful events.
The past holiday season was no exception. I ate out frequently, and I ran myself ragged with too much activity. I also needed to deal with the accident I had three years ago at the J. Crew store on Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, as the case was not moving in a timely manner.
I was shopping at the J. Crew store when I was struck by a mannequin. J. Crew stating that some kids push and it got tipped over. I had no idea what happened and I lost conscious for a short time and was taking to ER. I suffered from concussion syndrome and PTSD – symptoms including fear of going out shopping – for at least two years. Since I did not want to take western medicine to treat my symptoms, recovery was slow. I had headaches, nausea, dizziness, neck pain, nightmares and was sensitive to noise and smell which was all concussion syndrome. Who would think that a mannequin could be so dangerous.
The last six months were very stressful for me as I attended three depositions while preparing for the opening of our new restaurant Seed Bistro. I also went to two mediations over the holidays and repeated my account of the accident and the ensuing problems I had. J. Crew hired a doctor to interview me one day for 8 hours and submit his report of 23 pages aimed at discrediting me and the problems, while my doctor, who treated me, reported I suffered from concussion syndrome and PTSD. I realized that the J. Crew lawyer was being paid by the hour as he grilled me about my childhood, why I came to America, why I went to shopping at J. Crew, why do I have a driver license when I don’t drive, do I need a cane to walk and am I going to limp for the rest of my life…and on and on. Well, my childhood was not perfect, I came to America when I was 19 years old to learn about another culture and English, I went to J. Crew because they have smaller-sized clothes and I was looking for a blouse to wear for a Christmas event, I still have a driver license because I have not give up hope that I am going to drive again, and although I use a cane I cannot say whether I will limp forever, since as long as I am alive there is room for improvement.
The same questions were asked many times. I felt like a criminal. Did I see the mannequin coming? It fell on my head from a higher level. I could not have been more unaware and unprepared. J. Crew never apologized. I did not get reimbursed for most of my expenses, but I decided not to pursue it, as I feel life is precious and I have to choose my battles."
Some people might say life is a game, but I am not one to play this kind of game. There are more fun things to do in life.
I now believe that in a way it was blessing that I had a high fever after New Year's and stayed in my bed and was able to think more clearly about what's important in my life.
I made lotus root tea to nurture my chest, since lungs take a beating when you are in a state of turmoil.
Healing Lotus Root Tea
Yin and Yang -- you need a balance between these forces to survive and thrive.
Some days are sunny, some cloudy and rainy. I wanted to share the dark episodes in my life, since I may have given the impression that after the last near-perfect NewYear's Day, I would live happily ever after.
I do my best to not practice perfection, but practice the principles I hold dear in life.
Love, Sanae
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